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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in DrDemure's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, September 26th, 2009
2:12 am
Had a number of good conversations with a number of good people...`
And I am reminded that everyone is on their own path, with their own revelations happening to them, in their own time. Much as I'd live to steer my children based on my experiences, well, my parents did not steer me, so I can only be available for color commentary.

And as much as I'd like to steer a friend though widowhood, he has to make his own way.

But, what I would like to tell Grey is that, I'm really over the dead husband thing. He was a good man, but he wasn't nearly the man I deserved. And I gave up a third of my life, because he was my children's father. And I'm over it.

And you are the man of my dreams. It takes time. And this time has come. We are going to grow old together. I think. :)
Monday, September 21st, 2009
3:24 am
Health Care
I think this could be a defining moment in our evolution as a republic. Everyone is all over everyone else on this issue. Do we, as Americans, have a *right* to health care?

Well, some people say "no". Some people say "yes". And some people just sit back and want to debate constitutional issues and how much it may or may not cost them personally, and how it will affect them.

What I say is that, yes, as a progressive, dynamic and creative republic, we need proper health care. France already has it. It's shameful that we, as the pretenders to the greatest human experiment on earth, can't quite wrap our mind around the idea that we, as a people, should be able to go to a doctor when we need to.

No matter how you feel about the proposals being offered, we need a change. We can always change the change. But it needs to be something other than business as usual. And this is our greatest, best chance.

This is how I look at it. I have always been a person who never had health insurance. I couldn't afford it. I always found ways to pay for the things we needed, healthwise, but it was always at great risk to our financial situation. And then we had a major health crisis, with my late husband. And we fought and fought to try to get him proper care. And we had to go to court, for something that was obvious to everyone.

Now, I have health insurance. But my kids don't. And someday, my grandchildren will, or won't. Unless something changes. People are all about the legacy they are leaving their grandchildren. Wouldn't it be great if we all knew that our grandchildren would get proper prenatal care before they were ever born? Wouldn't it be great if, when they get sick, their parents could afford to go to a doctor and get treatment? Wouldn't it be great if our grandchildren weren't as fat as we are, weren't as unhealthy and sedentary as we are, if they actually learned, early on about nutrition, exercise, and health? If this was a part of their everyday experience?

This is our charge, as a generation. To stop worrying about ourselves, and to *really* start caring about what happens to our grandchildren. Not to their monetary inheritance. But to their life inheritance. We can't possibly be the greatest country to ever live if France has better health care than we do. And a whole lot of other countries.

It's time to get a grip. This is our best chance. Let's take a dive, and sort it out. We do tend to be good at that.
Monday, September 7th, 2009
10:54 pm
I fell in love at Smith Mountain Lake
No, you don't have to adjust your world view, I'm still totally in love with Greyman. But I fell in love *with* Smith Mountain Lake while I was there. I have a whole new vision of my future. I think I know how I want to spend my reclining years, if I'm lucky to have such. I'm getting up in age, I have to start thinking about such. It was awesome. We had the best time. I can't wait to go back. Forget about all those exotic places. I've found the place I want to be. Hmmm...happy girl. Relaxed girl. Focused girl. Good times!
Friday, August 28th, 2009
2:57 am
Had a long day
Everyone who wants to be on vacation is all about my vacation. They don't let us out, much. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to slog through until I get to stop slogging through. Grey and I always have wonderful vacations. This one will be no less. Nobody is letting me off easy and I will have to work until I have to work no more. For nine glorious days. I wish I was European. We'd be off on holiday for a month.

I have preparations to make, and Grey has helped today, when I was working. It's going to be nice, really it is, we just have to get to it. One more day...
Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
2:38 am
I am really sick and tired of people who rant about not wanting universal health insurance
These people have clearly never been in a health crisis of any sort. They don't know that I had to run to the pharmacy on a Sunday,to hopefully procure medicines my husband needed, and we only got by the grace of God. Or whatever.

They don't know that, if you get sick in America, and you are uninsured, or underinsured, then the "health community" will suck every dollar out of your pocket, leave your family destitute, and they just don't fucking care. And they will happily tell you why.

You have no idea what I've been through. My husband had five different diseases going on in his body. I fucking lived at the hospital. And I had to work for a living, and raise three children.

This is not funny, and it isn't unusal. That's what American health care is. This is completely wrong. If we can send children to school, we can damn sure send them to doctors.
Monday, August 24th, 2009
1:36 am
Happiness
A friend of mine on Facebook recently posted about the ever elusive state of being happy. He felt like happiness was within his grasp, but other people were preventing him from getting there.

I am a happy person. I am an extremely fortunate person when it comes to looking at the global population, and how bad things can get. Nobody is bombing my village, and I have what I need to get by. I don't want for anything. I don't wonder where my next meal is coming from, and I don't wonder where I'm going to sleep tonight, or if it will be safe.

I think happiness is not a goal, it's a state of mind. I don't think that it has anything to do with anyone else in your life, spouse, offspring, friends, people you meet. I think, if you really want to be happy, you just have to decide to be, regardless of your circumstances.

There will always be trials in your life, big or small. People die, it's sad. Terrible things happen, all the time. And they will continue to do so. "There will be poor always." Life can suck.

But you don't have to focus on the bad things in your life. You can focus on your great good fortunes, and understand that everyone dies, some day. And that it's ok. It's the circle of life.

Don't chase happiness. Let happiness come to you. It's right there, waiting for you. You just have to open your eyes.
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009
5:25 am
Ok, not so much about the new LJ page
I've got a lot of things to write about, but I'm exhausted.  They ran my ass off tonight.  All good people, all good tippers, but it was a hell of a night, and frankly, it's hard to run flat out for four or five hours straight without warning.  On holidays, we expect, or are warned.  Ok, call me spoiled, but my job *is* physical.  I lift heavy trays, I run dishracks full of dishes.  It's not all smiles and happy times.  Except the guests think it is.

Ok, I'm tired.  They beat the fuck out of me tonight.  I'm sure I'll recoup for tomorrow.  *sigh*
Friday, August 21st, 2009
2:24 am
Ok, I know I tend to get cynical
But I just had a really sweet conversation with my niece in California. (Yes, one of those kids.)

And even tho I added my fundamentalist C brother and then immediately put him on hide so I wouldn't have to read his Jesus commercials every time I looked at my FB...I got msg'd by my niece.

And she's still the sweet, smart, interested in the world kid I supernannied a couple of years ago. It does my heart good. I may not agree with, and may sometimes violently get mad at my brother, but he has good kids. I somehow doubt it has anything to do with him. But we shall see. :)

Nice encounter. We shall see what we shall see. And...it's possible that I can influence her without him knowing I'm doing so. *evil laugh*
Thursday, August 13th, 2009
2:23 am
Now, on to my daughter-in-law
To my recollection, once upon a time, Ann Landers said that there was no such thing as an ex in-law. And, in my case, it certainly is true. Just because divorce and disharmony happens between the people who are trying to right their lives, that doesn't mean that they stop caring about each other. And I haven't stopped caring about Cate, and neither has my son, her soon to be ex-husband.
/lj-cut
My mother has never stopped caring about my father, after thirty years of official divorce. In her mind, she will always care about what happens to him, and I think he still cares about what happens to her. And we all step in, when need be.

Cate was with Emrys for ten years. They're not yet thirty, so that's a third of their lives. It can't be easy to quit caring in some ways, and to continue caring in others. But, aside from their bond, I still have a bond with her. And I'm not going to quit caring about her welfare, just because she and my son are divorcing.

She's going through a very hard and challenging time. But she's doing her best to try to make it through. She's been very uneasy with me. She doesn't always interpret things I say in the best light. But I understand her family situation and recognize her concerns. I admire the courage it took for her to tell my son that she didn't want to be his wife anymore. I question who she turned to in the interim.

And I have taken in her pets while she's dealing with that decision. She's very timid about my support. But I think she needs to figure it out for herself, and I'm confident that she will.

I'd just really like her to feel like I'm not her enemy. I'm not going to give away her pets, because keeping them is an inconvenience to us. I want her to succeed. If she does, it's all gravy for us. It puts my son on a path to freedom, because he has to live his new life. He will always care about her.

She needs to trust us enough that she can forget about little things, and keep going. And I hope she will make good choices. Eventually, when she starts to see the big picture.

Yes, I have my opinions. But I'm keeping them to myself for the time being.

Meanwhile, she's still part of my family, whether she knows it or not.
1:52 am
Apparently my mouse is not up to my daughter's standards
She came to visit just as I was leaving for work, and when I came home, I had no working mouse. (if you didn't know, she's not exactly a geek). But, she does have geeks to do her beck and call.

I've known my wireless mouse was dying for quite some time. And I didn't put any fresh batteries in it before she came. Actually, I think the mouse is fine, but the charger doesn't charge anymore. So, when I came home, I had an uncharged wireless mouse, and an unconnected wired mouse lying on my desk. And no working mouse.

This is what I think happened. My wireless mouse got no fresh batteries. She called her brother and said my mouse was crap. He brought her a new mouse, and she lost interest before it was connected.

So I came home, had a madly blinking wireless mouse that was connected to the computer, but had no batteries. And a brand new wired mouse waiting to be of service. In a few short minutes, I connected the wired mouse to my computer, disconnected the wireless mouse, and le voila! A mouse.

So, she unwittingly did me a favor. And when she comes back...she always does...I have a working mouse. But did she mention any of this to me when she came into the restaurant to eat? No.

Ah well. It's a mother's job to figure out what her children are up to when she's not around. And I have to admire her resourcefulness. Even without the follow through.
Monday, August 10th, 2009
1:26 am
Breastfeeding
If you are a young female, about to give birth, and you're worried about breast cancer, breastfeed your child. Determine to do it for all the good things, bonding, loving, being a good parent, that you can. Suffer through the difficulties, enjoy the benefits, and don't worry about what other people think.

At the end of the day, you will love your child more, you will prevent breast cancer, and your child will be healthier physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you doubt my statement, check out La Leche League, and believe what they tell you. And breast feed as long as you possibly can. A year or more. Every time.

You will have a much better bond with your child, and you will be using your breasts as nature intended. And you will have three times less chance for contracting breast cancer because of it.

Plus, it's a lot easier. :) For another post.
12:10 am
Women's health, rant
One of my friends is a forty-three year old woman who is suddenly pregnant. She has had debilitating morning sickness. Seriously, couldn't eat a thing. And she said to me the other night, "If men got morning sickness, there would be a proper treatment for it." And she was right. There is no way men would go for a month or more throwing up and being unable to eat and risking their health without finding a treatment or a cure.

I see the bone density thing as a lesser, because it is so gradual, statement on the state of how women's health is ignored until it can't be ignored anymore. When my mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer, a mere fifteen years ago, they were still lopping off breasts at the drop of the hat, radiating her until she was at forty percent lung capacity, and chemo-ing them until they nearly died, or did die, of treatment. Without ever doing the research to look at the different kinds of breast cancer, the heredity involved (very little I might add, they still consider me high risk, when studies show breast cancer is largely not hereditary and I have very few risk factors once you take that into consideration).

My breasts are fine. Ok, they're kind of just there. But, other than my heredity, which is still not a major factor, they're fine. They aren't lumpy. I examine myself every month. None of my close female relatives who've had the expensive genetic tests, test positive. My mother had a very slow-growing cancer. She's seventy almost eighty years old, but she's been through countless treatments and has lost lung capacity and a breast because of a cancer that she probably would have died before it got her.

At what point is the male-dominated society going to decide that, if they want women around, they need to spend as much time, money, research, and thought to women's health that they do to their own?

At which point I go back to bone density scans. Mammograms are important. But walking upright and fending for yourself is just as important. Women are at much higher risk for losing bone than men, due to their hormones. And it's a much longer view when it comes to bones. They take a long time to form, and they take a long time to deteriorate. I think any woman who is in middle age should have a scan. That's that thing they call "prevention".

Call me radical. But I know men are all about curing erectile dysfunction. How about basic health for aging women? *sigh* /end rant
Sunday, August 9th, 2009
11:49 pm
Women's health: bone density scans
I was fifty years old before any doctor ever suggested I get a bone density scan. I'd seen docs for various injuries in the past few years, and not one asked if I'd had a scan, including an osteo specialist. When I finally went in for my 50,000 mile girl check up, I was referred for one. My insurance paid for it, it was a painless and quick scan, and it turned out that my bones had been deteriorating for a number of years and I was in full osteoporosis, at age fifty. Which means I'd been losing bone mass for probably ten years.

After a year and a half of seeing a specialist, and making a few changes (not even all the changes recommended), I'm building bone mass again, and I'm no longer in the highest risk group for breakage and all the bad things that can happen when your skeletal system starts to melt.

I had no idea I was at risk. I had no idea that it would be so easy to get stronger. So, I would recommend that every woman forty or over get a scan, if they can. It could mean the difference between being the hump-backed old lady with a walker who can't get in and out of a bathtub without breaking a hip, or being a healthy, strong elder who goes into her senior years strong and independent.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
3:03 pm
And this is why it is good to live around family
I was just chilling online when my eldest called and his car wouldn't start. I was there within ten minutes with his spare keys, and it turned out his battery was dead. And I have jumper cables. So, he was on his way in twenty minutes.

My birth family skipped out for the four points as soon as we could. We still help each other, but it's really nice to live near your family. Can't make that happen with my parents or birth family, but perhaps I can keep my children nearby.

Of course, it took ages for Emrys to understand this great convenience. He just moved here a few years ago. And it helps that I'm not the kind of parent who is all judgmental and up in your business.

But I like how close we all are. My sons work together. My daughter is just up the road in Richmond, but she's down here all the time. And when we need help, we call each other. It's the 21st century version of a barn-raising.
Monday, August 3rd, 2009
10:37 pm
Mom cop
Even though it seems like I was cavalier about locking my doors. I am a citizen of Williamsburg, and, when I see a sudden change, I ask questions.

When I went up to my normal convenience store tonight, I noticed three teen-aged boys hanging out in the parking lot. I work nights, so I know most of the normal movements of people in my town.

And I've noticed that there has been a lot of activity late at night in the grocery parking lot. I think most of it is mudders and people dealing weed. So, I mentioned to my favorite clerks that it seemed like they had teens hanging out there. They had no clue, but they didn't like it very much. So, I volunteered to talk to them.

As it turns out, they were just looking for something to do. I think there are a lot of teens out there just looking for something to do. They were going to go play video games later. I asked them (yes, I'm not shy about asking a question) where they went to school, if they had graduated, what their plans were for the future. And the truth was, they were all high school graduates and the best thing they had to do was hang out at convenience store and look for things to do.

I don't think they'll hang out there again, which was my ultimate goal. But I think it's incredibly sad that our burgeoning adults have no direction, no plans, except to hang out at the convenience store.

And I think it's a little weird that I'm the one who has to mom them into thinking again.

We are wasting our youth. They are determinedly uneducated for the most part. They have no outlets for their youthful energy, and they don't read, they don't really do anything, because there is nothing to do.

The boys I talked to are all, at this point, good boys. But what will happen when they run into not so good boys?

It's a dilemma. Comments?
Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
3:35 am
Theft
So, in our meager face time, Grey and I had a conversation regarding theft. And he admitted to our very good shrink that we don't actually know where the keys are to our house. We've locked our house exactly once when Christopher was going south, and everybody in our family was like, WHAT??? You locked your house????

And know, I'm not inviting you...ok maybe I will soon, to steal from us. But the fact is, we are not city folk. We have a cop who lives at the top of the court, and we live in a very safe neighborhood. That being said, someone stole an extension ladder from the side of the house. To us, it seemed very random.

But our very good shrink seemed to feel that our not locking our cars or our house, or, well, really anything, had some sort of psychology behind it. Risky behavior? I think he might be inordinately attached to his stuff. And I say that our shrink worrying about us not locking up our stuff says more about the shrink than it does about us.

I've been stolen from exactly three times in my life. And yes, I get the sense of violation. But it's not worth the paranoia. I'd rather they take my thing than worry being stolen from my every waking hour.

Maybe very good shrink has very good stuff. Grey and I laughed and decided we need to put a sign on the garage that says, "Welcome, please come in and help yourself. We could use the room."

I think we trust people, and we don't have a lot of shit that anyone would want, but if they do, we'll deal. Comments?
2:45 am
Parenting
At least in the young years. This might be long, so I'll cut it if I can...


Children are born with bodies and no knowledge. They have primal programming, and, if they're lucky, loving parents. At the same time they are getting to know their physical bodies, and learning how to manipulate their hands and toes and thumbs, they're trying to figure out their social situation.

And they're humans, so they're resourceful, and they have needs. How do I get what I want? I have no knowledge of how to go about that...so...I rely on my parents to teach me. But I can't tell them that, because I'm two.

What small children need is a very strong, balanced person in their lives who sets strict boundaries. "No, that's hot. Don't touch." "No, don't run into the street, a car will kill you."

Small children will, as inventive humans do, try to get around those boundaries by manipulating their caretakers. "I'm going to make a lot of noise and tell you I don't love you to get what I want.

But the point is, they don't know what they want. They're two.

You have to be the tough guy. And I guarantee they will love you more in the long run if they hate you a little bit now.

They are going to hate you, at some point, at some time. It's just a matter of when, and how prepared your children eventually are for real life.

Better to do it early. They'll thank you later on.
Saturday, August 1st, 2009
2:10 am
Soapy dog
I washed both the big dogs today. Magi seems clean and fine and happy about it. Merlin seems very soapy. How do you get shampoo out of a dog who has more hair than Robin Williams? It's back to the hose in the morning.

He's a husky, if that helps. I swear I rinsed him. But...noooooo....
Friday, July 31st, 2009
5:49 am
Ok, now I get it
I get why everyone is making a noise about FB. I am having the time of my life, not just with reconnecting with people, but with understanding that you can connect people who should be connected. I love it. After three days, I've talked to so many people who are, still, important to me.

This is my ultimate dream, to have everyone I ever knew connect with everyone I will ever meet, and for them to find each other.

I can't always spend time with my loved ones, even my own children. But we can still connect.

And the possibilities are endless, hooking up my old friends with new friends, reconnecting with my greater family, informing them, pulling them back into the fold. Ah...

I get it. I'm friended with work people, with family people, the friend people. And I love all of you. Long live LJ, and long live FB. I think I've met my perfect storm.

I can say with some confidence that I think I will talk to you all soonest. :)
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
2:26 am
Ok, settling in
I'm still trying to figure out FB. I used to be single, Grey is new to FB and he noticed I was. Ah, one brief moment in time...no, joking, I'm the most married woman on the planet. And now I'm married on FB.

So, we're playing this game at work where we ask who would you do, if presented with only two horrible choices, all other considerations beside. And we're actually learning things about each other, and said coworkers. It's been very enlightening.

As it turns out, the woman we most love to hate is very popular. She would get done most times compared to a number of other people. I'm sure she has no idea she is so popular.

It's a variation of, if you were stranded on a desert island, who would you choose to chop up into steaks, and who would you reserve for sexual purposes.

It can get pretty ugly. But it's a pretty fun game, as long as you don't play it in the presence of the undesirables.

If I had a choice of doing GWB, and Osama bin Laden, I think I'd do Bush. Ick. How much could it hurt?
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